I Never Would've Thought
"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for those who love Him."
1 Corinthians 2:9
I never considered myself to be a writer. I can't remember a time when I felt the need to write. Although there was one time, in particular, I thought it would be cool to write a short story. For some odd reason, I felt it would be cool to make it a thriller. I entitled the story "The Man in the Attic." I remember sitting in front of my computer and typing with such intensity. The scenes in my imagination were vivid, so much, the emotion I attempted to put in words felt so real at the moment. After completing and reviewing the first chapter, I had to step away because I startled myself. I decided not to finish the story because I wasn't sure if my heart could take it. I guess I was more of a writer than I thought, or there was something serious I needed to address. Thank God for Jesus and a new mind, and we're moving on.
I can confidently say that God blessed me with natural creative ability. As I think back, I can see how many avenues lead to the development of my appreciation for expressive art. I have always been intrigued by the different methods used to tell a story such as music, movies, photography, and dance. Although reading and writing did not fall into the "I Love it" category. Fast forward about 15 or so years unknowingly; God planted the seed of a new desire in my heart.
I once attended a women's conference, while there I was told that I would write books. I trusted the voice of the person who shared this word of knowledge with me because I knew she was a great woman of faith and indeed could hear the heart of God. But surely she had me mixed up with someone else, at least that was my thought at the time. I remembered thinking to myself, "I don't even like to write." One thing that I learned is that when you surrender your heart to Jesus, it becomes less about what you like and more about what you were purpose to do. The focus of development for God as it pertains to us will always be purpose-driven.
Anyhow, after that weekend, writing did not become a focus. I didn't go out and tell everyone I knew about the word I received and did not intentionally put forth any effort at becoming a writer, although God was at work behind the scenes.
November 28, 2017, I went out to support a good friend who was ministering that evening. I knew it was going to be great, but it was much more than I expected. It was all a set up for God to shift my heart in such an unexpected way. I remember my friend saying that he wanted to share what God gave him for the night and then get out of the way so that the Holy Spirit could have his way, and boy did he ever!
There was so much that took place that night, and God personally ministered to my heart. One thing that resonated with me that night was this statement my friend shared. He said, "All of these years, I have been hiding in the shadows of who I truly am. I'm just starting to wake up to the revelation of who I am in Jesus."
Wow, I get still get goosebumps every time I read that. That night through my friend's message, God painted such a beautiful picture of how He saw me and the great purpose He had in store for me. After my friend ended his message, he opened the moment for a time of personal reflection and prayer. As worship music began to fill the atmosphere, I could feel God's presence.
Standing there with my head bowed, I heard the Holy Spirit say, "go and ask her to pray with you." I looked up and immediately saw who it was. She was standing at the front near the altar. After about 20 minutes of deliberating within myself, I obeyed the instruction. She prayed, and it wrecked me! Every word she released aligned with and confirmed what God had already ministered to my heart. I was like, "she read my journal!"
Right before we parted, she said, "You are going to release books, and God is preparing platforms where many will be touched and receive healing because of your testimony." "Step out in faith!"
In 2018 I did just that. Excited and ready to change the world, I released Flourish In Grace. I was excited and determined. I wanted to move in what I knew to be what God called me to do. I was consistent for about six months then I fell off. I lost the drive after only six months! As time went by, I couldn't get it together, and I started to feel like a failure. I thought that I let God down and that he wouldn't trust me with anything else. Side note: we can be our worst critic, and most of the time, our review or perspective is off.
Something important to understand is that what we think we need to accomplish most of the time is not found within our natural ability but can only be obtained from God. Also, our timing is not His timing. Sometimes it is not by might, power (natural or human ability), or our gifts alone that we ultimately achieve the goal, but it's by the Spirit of God. Once I got that, I sought God's heart concerning Flourish In Grace, and He responded. What God has called me to do, I never had the desire for, and sometimes I don't feel qualified. But I am often reminded that God is the qualifier. He does not look at us and say that we don't have enough but urges us to use what we have and to trust Him to do the rest.
So now, when I go back and read some of the material I wrote, I am blown away, and comically ask myself, "did I write that?" Then I am reminded that I can do all things through Christ. He is my strength, and the word of God gives me this reassurance.
In my conclusion I would like to present this question to you. What seeds and visions has God placed in your heart? If you are uncertain, I encouraged you to seek his heart and spend time in the word of God. For those of you who are confident of the vision given, be sure to petition God for direction and allow him to order your steps.
God has great plans for his children!
Heavenly Father, Thank you for being such a good Father, one who is concerned about every detail of my life. Thank you for planting the seed of purpose in my heart. Lord, Cultivate it and teach me how to steward it well. I desire to know and live out your will for my life, therefore help me to filter every desire through your Spirit so that I will not take a path that would lead me away from the purpose you intended for my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!